A letter to Spartans

Thank you Spartans for this dragon boat season. It has been an incredibly meaningful and rewarding experience for me. Starting from zero just four months ago, having gone through all the trainings and hurdles, pain and joy, frustrations and laughs, up to living the thrill of a real competition over four incredible races, is a priceless experience I will remember all my life. I don’t have words to express how grateful I am.

Truth is, I had always wanted to do something like that but I never did. It was the first time of my life I chose to practice a team sport and joined a competition. I am not a team sports person —or so have I been keeping telling myself since a very young age. As a kid, it is easy to get hurt when you don’t fit, and my coping strategy has always been to stay away from team sports and play solo instead, be it skiing, hiking or cycling. I like to go at my own rythm without having anybody to boss me around. Heck, I even went all the way walking around Taiwan on my own. It was fulfilling, but nobody was at home when I came back on that 47th day of walk.

Last year at the Tainan dragon boat festival, the excitement of the many teams at the staging area piqued my curiosity. At that moment I simply wished I’d be part of that excitement too. That idea stayed in a corner of my brain for a while, then it only took a casual invitation from Una last February to have me decide to get on board with Spartans. Cautiously at first. I saw the motto “pain is temporary, glory is forever” and I found it a bit ridiculous, as in over the top. I thought these guys look all pumped up and I am not quite like that. But let’s try and see. At the beginning, we only exercised at the field, it was manageable yet boring. Then came the pool trainings. I liked these because they are more technical and less tiring. But little I knew what was coming up later in May, when we actually got on a boat to train in the far lands of An’nan.

Paddling on a real boat is really not easy, especially on the small boats. You’re out in the water in this uncomfortable, cramped, slippery and stinky boat, and there is no way out except paddling. With minimal time to rest between each paddling stride. This really pushed my body to the limits because I had to paddle until and beyond physical exhaustion. But physical strain is not the worst: having two boat sessions in one morning let me realize that complete exhaustion from the first session can be recovered relatively quickly and I still have some energy for the second.

Eventually, the most difficult part for me on the boat was mental rather than physical: to have somebody else deciding on the effort I have to put, the rythm I have to follow, all while being called out on my mistakes in front of everyone. On that day when several people (including me) injured their thumbs, something snapped. I was so frustrated that I went back home right away and I just wanted to quit. Why do I have to put myself through so much pain? What’s the point if it hurts so much? Nobody noticed because I imploded rather than burst, but I seriously considered quitting at that point. The pain and frustration had woken up some old demons from my past self.

But I am no longer a kid. Well, I still am in many ways, but as an adult I can try to heal my inner kid. So I gave it some time and came back coutiously on a pool day (because pool trainings are easier). And I had to admit that everyone, especially all the coaches, everyone was only trying to help and only had good intentions. So I tried to let go and trust the coaches. Just now I calculated that I skipped two weeks’s worth of training. From today’s perspective, what a waste of time just one month before the competition! How stupid! Now I feel sorry for the team. I want to apologize to everyone for failing you at that time. But as I later understood, everybody at Spartans, even the coaches themselves, everybody is learning on the way. Everybody is learning while making mistakes, it just hurts sometimes. But “pain is temporary, glory is forever.” Suddenly it makes a lot of sense. I have touched that glory now.

Spartans, you all gained a lifelong space in my heart. I wish this space will grow bigger next year.

Gilles